You can be prepared for the worst, but shit storms can always happen.
I've always wondered how kids can change the dynamic of a relationship. You see so many people in a loving, happy relationships, then they have a baby, and separation shortly seems to come after. My husband and I have a strong foundation, we’re not perfect but we communicate with each other reasonably well. We discussed kids for about four years prior to our son, and together we've been parents- I’ve been in his 10 year old’s daughter life since she was four. So, you could say that we had a pretty solid foundation on parenting and what to expect with parenting between us. Right?
Well, that was all fucking lies.
The First Plan
The funny thing about plans is that they never go accordingly.
My son was born a few months ago, and well, we've been planning to have him since 2016. That year was the perfect time for me to get pregnant, we just got married, we lived together for about 4 years prior and bought a new house a few years before that. At that moment professionally, I graduated from college the year before and started my career, so it was time for me to work hard, grow, and learn. Fast forward to 2018, we weren't able to get pregnant, and as the years went on, I went through the stages of grief.
By the end of 2018, I began to finally reach the final phase of grief and finally began to move forward into the new year. The focus and obsession of getting pregnant began to subside, and I decided to go with the flow and jump into a new phase in my career.
I was going to leave my position as a creative manager to start my freelancing career and become a solopreneur. I decided that I wanted to work for myself and work on the things I was genuinely passionate about. I was in a good space, I was playing soccer again, which was a space for me to release stress.
When I left my job in March I hit the ground running. I was writing and hosting events for the cannabis and design industry, and on my way to a creative conference to help me jumpstart my career. It was a lovely week-long vacation by myself, hustling, and learning- all the things I love to do. The week I got back, I felt energized, and the creative juices were flowing. Then a few days later, I find out I’m pregnant. And I was so happy, but at the same time, I thought, "This was the wrong fucking time, man. Why couldn’t this happen in 2016?"
Bending with change
Pregnancy forced me to slow down. I hated it, I fought hard and lost even harder.
During my first trimester, I was nauseous the entire time. I worked part-time freelancing for most of my pregnancy because I had no choice, my husband and I are both entrepreneurs who just started businesses less than 3 years ago, and just like Fabolous said in The Soul Tapes, ‘it cost to be the boss and it don’t get no cheaper.’
But still, even though we were both entrepreneurs, and I just started my business, we talked about our fears and goals, and we still felt like we could handle this change with ease, as long as we stuck together and communicated. But in the words of the great Kevin Hart, we weren't fucking readyyyyyyyyy.
Do I regret the timing of my baby boy? Yes, without a doubt. But children never come on time, and you can never really plan for them. But life has taught me that your plans never go accordingly, and honestly, if they did, they'd suck. And you never realize that in the beginning just in the end.
But when I look at my little cuddle monster who's taking little bits of my soul to force me to be unselfish and more patient, I ask myself, "If I could go back in time would I not have this cuddle monster?" Absolutely not. He's my little monster, and he's here to stay. I wouldn't give him back if I could... I would've just maybe delayed him.
My husband and I could’ve never predicted the chaos of having a newborn, and how much it has changed us, but we continue to try and communicate our feelings and needs, while trying to support one another when we are struggle. And that's what matters. I'm a Sagittarius- sun and moon (+ Scorpio rising if you're a little curious) and my husband is a Virgo, so we're mutable signs.
That means we can adapt to our surroundings quick, and so whatever storm, whatever struggle, whatever changes in our lives, we will and always find a way to adjust to it as long as we communicate and work together.
Also, I'm a person of color, a black woman to be more fucking specific, so I know how to turn lemons into lemonade.
Final Thoughts, Like Jerry
My Mantra: I will adapt to this new change of being a solopreneur + infant mama.
Since this whole pandemic has happened, we’ve been experiencing this huge change in our lives, and if you’re like me sometimes you need inspiration to help you stay sane. So I leave you with this:
Change is going to happen, and as the weeks go by, it doesn't look like our situation will change anytime soon. Instead of letting the stress of change take over your body and cause anxiety, adapt. Be strong. And live strong. Also, stay in the fucking house.
So, I leave you off with some tips on being a stay at home hustler with kids (or none), and some thug motivation to help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. And please, yes therapist are great but friends and family are therapy too, and sometimes just talking to them can help ease anxiety and stress.
Hustle Mama Tips
Google Calendar helps me stay on my daily tasks that need to be taken care of every day.
You add appointments, reminders, and tasks all in Google Calendar. GC can sync to your laptop, phone, and probably most devices.
I love to create separate calendars for various tasks. For example, I have a different calendar for appointments, what I'm making for dinner, and family appointments.
What I love about the reminders is if they aren't completed that day, they move to the next day- which is great for procrastinators like me. And I like being able to drag and drop things on my calendar (I’m only able to do that on web, I believe).
Trello is used for major projects, I typically use Trello for my clients or if I'm planning a big vacation, party, or home project.
It's a great place to keep all the information in one place. There are SO many uses for Trello, I suggest checking out their boards here. You can copy these boards and make them your own!
It's easy to procrastinate and look at your phone. But you'll feel more guilty when screen time calls you out, trust me.
During the week, I set my screen time at 15 minutes, and when I start to get distracted with social media or Mario Kart it calls me out. I like to take mental breaks every now and then, but screen time helps me check myself and get back to work.
Create > Consume
If you're a creative, remind yourself it's essential to do more creating and less consuming.
Sometimes I find myself consuming more content than I am creating, and I want to do less of that. Especially during this time where I have the opportunity to work on these side projects I’ve been neglecting. If you have goals and you have the time to get them done during this period, remind yourself to creative vs. consume. Also, stop being assholes- if people don’t want to hustle during this period let them rest. Rest is equally as important as hustling. Everyone has different goals and aspirations, let people enjoy their own shit. Get off y’all soapboxes and fucking create and hustle.
I love getting my workouts done in the morning when I can, and it helps ease anxiety and helps me sleep.
I try to keep my workouts at an hour since I have a new baby, so I'll do a 20-minute jog and then do 30 minutes of ab, arms, and legs. I like to set monthly goals, so for March, I've been trying to improve my mile. So far I've improved it by two minutes!
One of my favorite apps to use is Peloton (they are also doing a 90 day trial right now, so try it!), you don’t have to have the equipment, and compared to others I love their playlists (you can look before the workout) and it isn’t crazy expensive like Soul Cycle for their online classes. They have yoga, cardio, running, cycling, weights.. and more on there I think even stretching!
Rise & Shine Up Early
Try going to bed earlier and wake up around 6 or 8.
I tend to do some evening work, but if I'm up past 10 (unless I have a deadline), I'm on my phone or watching TV. So, I try to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier in the morning so I could knock my workout out and get started with my day by 9 a.m. I tend to get more work done in the morning, and by the evening time I have time to cook or spend time with my family.
I hope these tips help, and I hope you enjoy this motivational playlist to get you through these changes. Accordingly to Susan Miller, it looks like we may be this way until June or December, so be like a mutable sign and adapt to this shit. I believe in you.