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Chiron in retrograde, healing, and working on my shadow self.

Chiron in Retrograde started last week, along with the other many planets in retrograde. It's here to stay until December 23rd, so buckle the fuck up.

What is Chiron in Retrograde?

Chiron is a planet that represents the wounded healer, when we enter Chiron RX it’s all learning, courage, strength, and wisdom.  It's known to represent the pain we experience in our lifetime to help us shape who we are. This is a time to confront the feelings we've been pushing down instead of processing.

During this time wounds get re-opened for us to understand how those unresolved wounds can effect your happiness today. People tend to feel emotionally overwhelmed during this transit and experience strong emotions. This isn’t the time to be hard on yourself, it’s time to work on those old wounds. So during this time I’ve been working on improving my inner self and studying my shadow self the past few months.

The first step is admitting you have a problem

I do tarot readings on myself, like I said in my previous post it’s a form of self-care for me. And the cards kept calling me out to work on my shadows, and explore my shadow self. When I finally pulled the Moon card, which is a major arcana card I knew I had no choice but to work on this. The thing about major arcana cards like the fool, the devil, the tower card, and etc you can avoid these lessons all you want, but you will fucking face them, whether you like it or not. So I decided to face it.

I had a lot of anxiety and triggers going on with me, and weed can only mask it for so long, so it was time for me to face my biggest enemy, myself.

I knew I needed to become a better person, not only for me but for the people around me. I wanted to be a happy human. So, I decided to dive into it and work on becoming one. 

What is shadow work?

I had no idea what was shadow work, or exploring your shadow self meant. So I turned to Google, and it gave me this explanation.

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After I figured out what my ‘shadow self’ was I began to question, “how do you even do the work and discover the traits that you are unconscious to and don’t admit to having? Like.. they are hidden so how do you find them?”

So I did some research on doing shadow work. I came across this site which really put into simple terms on how to find these hidden traits you don’t admit to having. Simply put, if you are strongly affected by certain attributes in others you strongly condemn, that is your negative shadow side. By being aware of what you strongly condemn in others is how you find your negative shadow self.

Look at the chart below. ‘Projected’ are some attributes that you might condemn in others, and the other side that is ‘unowned’ traits you may not be aware of.

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For example:

I hate people who are arrogant, especially on social media, drives me insane. Well because of that I may have some self-confidence attributes in me that I have not fully used. Which is fucking true! 

Okay another one— I strongly dislike when people are approval seeking, which means I have some issues with people’s appreciation of me. Which again, is true. It makes me feel really awkward when people openly appreciate me.

So, after understanding my negative shadow I asked myself, ‘how could I fix it?’ I went through a few books that were a bit too wordy for me, but then I came across this book by David Richo called How To Be An Adult: A Handbook on Psychological and Spiritual Integration. The name was SO weird, but seriously this book is needed for every adult.

(This book can help you: understand the origin of a reaction that disturbs you, discover your shadow side, ego, or childhood trauma and work on it, deal with fear + feel it fully, and relationship issues. Let me just say, this👏book👏is👏what👏you👏need👏for👏Chiron RX).

I went to this book for one chapter only and honestly ended up re-reading the book twice. The chapter I was focused on was shadow work, and he discussed ‘befriending the shadow’, and said, “what we exclude and disown tend to become larger in life. Think about your triggers and think about what you strongly dislike in others,” then he provided a mantra to acknowledge these hidden traits and address them.

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David Richo’s book reminds us that we need to let go of the controlling behaviors we have, and let other people’s behavior be an observation. After discovering about my shadow self, I discovered that there was a lot more inner-self work that needed to be addressed, and so my negative thoughts + triggers were next on the list for inner self work.

That annoying unwelcomed roommate.

The second instance of the universe telling me to work on myself was when  a friend of mine introduced me to a book that discussed triggers and negative thoughts. I am someone who has a ton of negative thoughts, imposter syndrome is something so trill for me, and I have triggers that can really upset me and ruin my day.. so yeah negative thoughts and triggers, big problem.

She was telling me about this podcast episode she was listening from Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations and it featured Michael Singer the Author of Untethered Soul. She was telling me about how they were discussing getting rid of negative thoughts and things that trigger us, and that’s exactly what I needed in my life.

So I listened to the podcast. He talked about how our negative thoughts were separate from us as a being, and I questioned how the fuck was that possible.

He also discussed our triggers and how we could overcome them. I was curious, 20 minutes wasn’t enough. So I bought the book.

The book definitely provided more insight on his theory on negative thoughts. He described our thoughts and us as a human being as separate entities. At first I was confused and couldn’t understand how it was possible, but after re-reading that chapter various times, I got it.

There are two aspects to who you are: There is you, which is the awareness, the witness, the center of your willful intentions; and the other is which you watch. What you watch is the part that never shutups. The unwelcome roommate, is what he calls it and I call it that annoying ass bitch.

Singer’s book asks us to really think about this annoying ass bitch, and ask yourself, '“is what they say always right?” Don’t you have these fears and negative thoughts throughout the day that don’t happen? So why do we bother listening to that unwelcome roommate? Why do we identify with it? It’s because we think it’s apart of us, but it isn’t. Once you understand and realize how that unwelcome roommate never shuts up to you isn’t you, you will understand. And once you tell it to shut and stop paying attention to what they are saying, you become free.

Still don’t get it? Think about it this way.

Do you need to talk to yourself to do the things you need to do? Do you need to say in your head, “oh, I’m gonna go to the mailbox,” to go to the mailbox? No, you just simply get up and do it. So why the fuck do you listen or talk to the person in your head? Once you understand how to tell that unwelcome roommate to fuck off and go away when the negative thoughts happen, they go away, and you stop listening.

It sounds like a simple and insane concept, but it works. This method has really helped with controlling the negative thoughts I have and I have less guilt about these thoughts, because they are not me. I am not my negative thoughts.

Triggered, no Jhene Aiko

The Untethered Soul had a chapter about triggers and how you can separate yourself from those thoughts and instead of letting them become you, you watch them unfold.

How to be an Adult also discussed triggers but called them neurotic fears. In this book, Richo says, “instead of being triggered by other’s behaviors you can be informed, instead of affected by it.”

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He went on to say, if you have a fear or if you are triggered by something you need to find out what you have failed to work on and integrate it. He listed a helpful chart of fears we have and what we can do to integrate them. Here’s a quick glimpse of it:

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So when you see a fear or trigger try to not be affected by it.. BE informed. Try to understand what you need to integrate or what that person has failed to integrate, and it will be less of a trigger.

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The inner self journey

I hope this helps you on your journey to working on your inner self. It’s quite a journey, and it isn’t overnight, just remember, even when you fall back into your old patterns please don’t be too hard on yourselves. We are human. We will make mistakes, so don’t be too hard on yourselves, the fact is that you are doing the work to be a better human.

“The practice of assertiveness means acting. Act as if you are the healthiest person you can be. Do not wait until you feel better about yourself or until you believe you have what it takes. Act as if you are self-actualized and your beliefs will follow suit. Act while you fear rather than waiting until you feel unafraid.”

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